The Easter Bunny Problem

Many children get hyper around the month of March in anticipation of the Easter Bunny. I am not quite sure why, because what is so exciting about a giant bunny hiding eggs and candy in baskets around the house. My parents spiced it up and gave me presents, but i was never completely keen on the idea of a giant Easter Bunny breaking and entering in my house. Every year at the beginning of March my parents would dress me up in my Easter best and force me onto the lap of the mall bunny. Who knew what was under the urine stained matted down furry suite. The most memorable experience I had was at a mall in Wisconsin near Lake Geneva. I was only four years old. After getting my picture taken on the lap of a 7 foot bunny, my parents received the Polaroid. My father could not stop laughing and my mother looked disgusted. When I saw the picture, it ruined my childhood forever. In the bunnies mouth that man under the suits face appeared through the mesh. Being so young I thought the Easter bunny at the man under neath the suit. Years after I refused to sit on the bunnies lap without violently screaming and kicking. This is how the reoccurring dream came about. Every month of march, I would attempt to stay up all night everyday, so I didn't have to face the horrors of my dream state. If slumber did catch up to me, I would be haunted by the Satan Bunny. I was an inverse of Easter. Instead of hiding Easter baskets, my parents and I would have to hide. If the Satan Bunny found you he would kill you. It was pretty much hide and go die. My parents always died. My parents let the torment go on until fifth grade when I finally learned the truth. To this day every Easter my Mom and Dad compensate for their bad parenting with presents on Easter. This year I got $50 and a ton of peeps. Maybe if I milk it more next year they will give me $100. #BadParenting