Monday, April 25, 2016

Must See Scary Movies

Ever since my half evil babysitter half cousin forced my to watch The Exorcist at age five and Scream at age seven, I have been very squeamish to anything that goes bump in the night. Since I like to scare myself senselessly, I watch every scary movie I can get my hands on. So this is my must see list:

  • Mirrors
  • Evil Dead (The Remake)
  • The original Evil Dead, Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness
  • All of the Scream movies
  • The Collector
  • Cabin in The Woods
  • The Exorcist 
  • Drag Me to Hell
  • Legion
  • Killer Clowns From Outer Space
  • Sharknado
  • Zombeavers
  • The Mist
There are many more movies I can list, but if these movies don't scare you or put a smile on your face that is unfortunate. On the other hand, for every great and satirical scary movie to come out there have been hundreds made that will make you want to burn down Holly-Wood.

  • The Forest
  • The Witch
  • Most Stephen King movies, he is a phenomenal writer, but the movies based on his books suck
  • Saw movies
  • and any scary movie that the creepy kid in your class who wears all black and pentagrams told you to watch. The probably saw the exorcism on Emily Rose and converted to satanism. 

The Twin Bed

I am not quite sure why the twin bed is called what it is. Twins are two identical people, so why is it so damn difficult to fit two people on a twin bed comfortably? I rarely get to see my boyfriend, due to our conflicting schedules and how life always gets in the way, so in order to reconnect he started spending the night in my dorm. He always drives me back to school on Sunday night, and we grab something to eat and normally watch a movie. Twin beds are great when it is to people trying to watch a movie, but if both of you plan on sleeping it will be a fight to the death.
Dear Boys and Men,
Girls do like to spoon, but that is not the optimal position to sleep in. It is like being suffocated. If you plan on marrying the girl that you are currently sleeping next to, girls like to sprawl out just as much as you do.
The Girl Friend of 2 years.
Last night was kind of sad, because we got back at the dorm so late that all we had time for was running through my note cards as opposed to watching Beauty and the Beast and drinking Mondo (That delicious juice every nineties kids has drank with the twist of plastic piece). We ending up falling asleep by twelve thirty, but unfortunately I have the bladder of an old diabetic women. This results with me getting up at least once in the middle of the night to run down the hallway in my favorite t-shirt and panties hoping no one is awake to see me. Upon returning to my room, I found Matt taking up the whole bed. I ended up sleeping on the floor for another hour, but I had to make two more bathroom runs. Once I arrived from the third trip, I crawled into my bed and laid with my head near his feet and got little to no sleep with his leg spasms. When I woke up, I looked at my feet and I smiled seeing him all wrapped up in pink, purple and blue blankets. We looked like a yin-yang sign and it was perfect.

Morbid Humor

People like me suffer from being looked down upon by society for having inappropriate humor. I also get in trouble for laughing at terrible things that other people would mourn over. I regretfully admit that the Holocaust, 9/11, terminal illnesses, and psychiatric problems make me cry, with laughter. Luckily, science has been able to explain this phenomenon. People like me laugh at inappropriate things for the same reason they laugh when they are tickled. It is a response to stress or discomfort. Should I have laughing at my grandma's funeral when it was completely silent? Probably not. It seems insensitive to make jokes out of tragedies, but that is just the way I manage to stay happy in such an unfortunate world. So, while dinning at Maggianos in the streets of Wood Field with my boyfriend, the waiter gave us a little sales pitch as to way we should donate to the Make A Wish foundation. He handed us a slip with a picture of the girl they were supporting. It contained information such as her name and what cancer she had. The piece of paper was cut into the star. After our meal, we ended up donating five bucks and going on our merry way. After we were already an hour away on the high way, I noticed a star piece of paper chilling in my purse. We forgot to give them the star back. My boyfriend threw the star out of the car window and said now she is a shooting star. I never laughed so hard in my life. The moral of this story is I plan on going back to Maggianos this weekend so I can donate fifty dollars to wipe my hands of how horrible we are.

Monday, April 18, 2016

The finer things

I often forget that I can even be happy, and on terribly busy days like this where I feel trapped like this hell can never end I like to list things that make my life worth living. It is similar to the song in The Sound of Music where they sing during a rain storm. It has something to do with rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Well anyways, here is my list you can sing it if you prefer. If you do that I request you do it to the tune of Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus.

  • Miley Cyrus
  • Shampooed Cows
  • Gotham, Walking Dead, Dare Devil, Jessica Jones and Cuckoo 
  • The abundance of coffee at my disposal 
  • The Old Disney Channel
  • Our society's shift toward equal rights 
  • The crappy modern art in Down Town Chicago
  • Cheese of any kind
  • The fact that no one has called me out for my inapporpriate humor yet
  • Being feed cheese
  • Potatoes 
  • Potatoes with cheese
  • Portillo's cheese fries
  • Stoufer's Mac and Cheese
  • Sleep

  • that we have so many different FONTS

Move out day

Everyone has experienced one of those days where the universe hates them and everything that can go wrong does. It is like the universe is screaming YOU'RE ADOPTED, which I am, and the proceeds to rubs lemon juice and salt in all of the paper cuts it has inflicted on you. Yesterday was probably the most unfortunate day I have ever experienced in my entire life. I began with it being extremely hot and my friends air conditioning breaking while we were moving her out. It took three sweaty hours for us to finish packing. Since it was "nice" out, all 500 people that live in her building were running in and outside. She lived on the 12th floor, so we had to move princesses stuff to the elevator and to the car. I took many trips and about 15 minutes between us pressing the elevator button and getting into it. We developed a nice system where we would switch off who loaded the car and who went to grab more stuff. On one of the last trips I had to make with her stuff I arrived to her car with it being locked and she was not there. I sat down for a few minutes and when she returned with a bag I asked for the keys. Long story short she locked them in the car. We called a tow truck and the man opened the doors for us. As the car alarm frantically went off, we scoured the car for the key but had no luck. In the heat of the moment I closed the door and locked us out of the car again. The nice tow man opened it again and left. Thought the doors were open we still couldn't find the keys. We ended up having to call my boyfriend to go get the spare from her house and pick us up three hours away. 3 hours later when he arrived, we popped the trunk to finish packing and the keys fell out of the trunk. I refuse to tell Matt, because he bitched the whole way home about driving.

Rolling Skys

I recently experienced the best day of my life. No, it was not my wedding or the birth of a child. It was laying in the grass watching the clouds with my best friend. It was my friend's last day at U of I for extenuating circumstances. We wanted to make the best of it and celebrate the end of hell year for her, and of course we planned on partying until she could forget. However, this is not exactly how the day went. It actually started off with us going to a NEDA walk to show support for those with eating disorders. She is recently recovering from severe anorexia, and if I can understand how she feels I will do anything I can to support her. We walked around U of I's arboretum, and gazed at the beautiful budding flowers. The weather was even nicer than we expected, so that was a bonus countering the unfortunate fact that the walk was at 8am on a Saturday. When it ended, we ate a Chipotle and walked down Green Street. The whole day consisted of us sitting in a grave yard while playing White Chicks on Netflix watching the clouds go by. In a dorky way we actually talked about what abstract shapes and deformed animals we say in our fluffy white friends. I am normally a very restless pessimistic person, but my heart was open for once. I actually experience pure bliss. This was the first times I ever felt that I could stop worrying and that everything would be okay. The feeling was as how Buddah described Nirvana, with out bad. Even days after I get the feeling of joy knowing that I can be happy.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016


What do I love?
I love helping others, especially the one's that I care about. I love eating cheese, sleeping and having time to relax. I love my boyfriend and reminding him how much I care.
What do I want to do?
I want to be a nurse. I want to see the world and travel. I want to spend the rest of my life eating cheese, relaxing, helping others, and do it with Matt.
What will I do to reinforce that tomorrow?
Tomorrow, I will continue my studies and finish all of my homework to the best of my abilities. No matter how sleep deprived I am, hungry or stressed out I am, I will continue you to get what I need to done, so I can become a nurse one day. In the time I have left, I will make him for Matt, cheese eating and relaxing. I used to get stressed out if I got less than 6 hours of sleep, but my tiredness is just a barrier keeping me from my end goal. College is my only option of becoming a nurse, because I do need to get a degree to work as one. I know that if I continue to do my work, no matter how miserable I am, I am working toward my goal, and for that it is worth it. When my goal is met, I will no longer have to worry about going to work and school at the same time, while being expected to complete hours of home work. I will no longer have to worry about all of the sick people who I am helpless to aid. I will build my skills and have time to relax when my goal is achieved. But the funny thing about goals is that once one is met other ones are likely to arise, so this business and lack of time for the things I love is just a way of making what I love more valuable to me and my dream more worth it.

Monday, April 11, 2016

South Hall

For years I have dreamed about going off to college and living on my own. I thought it would be like moving to New York from a small town, but in reality I moved from a small town to an even smaller town. On move in day, I learned a hard lesson. My dorm hall does not have elevators, and I am on the top floor. My room is a foot bigger than a jail cell, and I mean come on at least prisoners get their own toilet. The toilet paper is one ply. My room has a spider and wasp problem and it also has an annoying neighbor problem. To the north, it sounds like the song bang bang with Nikki, Jessy and Ari. To the east, the wind brings large whiffs of pot. To the east, an alarm clock that the chick listens to for four hours at a time. I have seen her leave her room with it going. The showers are too small to shave my anything. The rooms are either on fire or snowing. All I think I have ate all year it Stouffer's mac and cheese. My, frost bitten, hairy legged, mac and cheese bellied, sleep deprived self wouldn't ask for anything different. I have struggled this year with everything from grades to body image to my grandma's death but I wouldn't change a thing.


Mom. You may not always understand me and I may not always get you, but we share the same stubbornness.
Mom. You may nag at me for never having an inside voice, but I get the volume from you.
Mom. You may not appreciate my alternative taste in music, but when you were a kid that was the Beatles concert to your parents.
Mom. You my not like the colors I dye my hair, but you used to have mall bangs.
Mom. You may think my tattoos and piercings are an act of rebellion but you used to pull pranks on the nuns.
Mom. You may not appreciate how much I swear, but the N word is not okay to use about our waitress.
Mom. You may despise my sleeping habits, but you once had them and now they are dictated by menopause. (STOP BLAMING ME)
Mom. You may think I complain a lot. It's about you. I am you. For all of the things you have ever grounded me for it was because you have done them. Being a parent isn't just about raising children, it's about giving them a better life than what you have had. I know everything you do you do to help me, and you know everything I do I do to get a reaction out of you. So one day, you will be there sitting with me and watching me nag my kids for the same things you have about me, and the cycle will continue for centuries. I am my mom's daughter. I appreciate you, but I will never understand until it is my turn.
Lastly, Mom. Stop haggling me about my spending habits. You know I have seen your credit card bills.

Dear Baby,

Dear Baby,
Hi it's your aunt, and I know you're not born yet, but we are all impatiently waiting. I want you to always feel loved. You already are. At the party where your parents were going to reveal wither you were a boy or a girl, the minute your mom cut the cake and saw pink frosting she cried tears of joy.
So, Dear Sofia, Olivia, or Mackenzie,
You are loved and you are worthy to be loved. I want you to know that, because we only accept the love we think we deserve. You deserve the world. You don't know this but when you are born into the world you are born with no obligations and filled with innocence. No one can take that innocence away from you. No one decides your path but you. You may be born into a certain family with certain beliefs but no matter where you start in life it doesn't matter, because it matters where you end. You get to choose where you end up in life. It is your decision and no one can take that away from you. Fat, skinny, rich, poor, tall, short, fun, serious you are you and for that the world will love you. If it doesn't except you with open arms, open its arms for them. You are a gift. Not every gift is expensive or nicely wrapped and topped with a bow, but they are surprises. Your wrapping may fool people but it is the content and thought that matters. Be what you want and except yourself, because you can have a million friends and please everyone, but until you go your own way you won't be whole. Though we all start off coming out of our mommies bellies, where you end up is where you decide.

Monday, April 4, 2016

My addiction

My head throbs. My eyes feel heavy and I cannot seem to function. I didn't get my daily fix. The joy of feeling it rush through my blood stream, and make me feel on top of the world. It makes my heart race and people say things you love make your heart flutter, so I think I may be in love. As the flutter pounds harder, my train of though derails. My body convulsive in a room the size of my body. As I shake I hit the walls and become exhausted and restless all at the same time. My eyes swell up with tears making them the size of an anime characters. My focus is blurry. My breathing is rapid. But most importantly I have to poop. I should really stop drinking coffee.

Technology is rude

I am 18 and I hate texting and phone calls. I use my phone for reading articles and homework. I am extremely tired of people asking me to teach them how to use their technology just because I am a teenager. Yes I am a teenager, and no I don't know how to work your apple TV or drone. My phone is flooded by text messages every hour. I only reply to those that matter or have to do with work. I may be the only person that thinks texting and calling is rude. I feel that when someone calls me out of the blue to have a conversation it is an invasion of my privacy. It is like someone barging into your room without knocking. When people call me I often find myself in the middle of homework, having a meal, or finally having time to myself after a long day of school. work, and homework. I try to please the caller by trying to complete my task and talk to them at the same time. I always get bombarded with requests such as, can you take me off speaker? No, I am using my hands to eat, do my hair, or type a blog post for class. Can you go somewhere more quite? No, I am at dinner and you just interrupted the conversation I had with the people I am actually with in real time. Can you hold on? No, you interrupted whatever I was doing so I can listen to silence? I don't think so. Please before you think about texting or calling me for leisure, think about what I am doing. If it is convenient for you, that's great, but I want to live in the hear and now. I don't want to hear my phone ring. I want to hear my doorbell ring.

What goes through my mind while being a front desk worker.

I am a recreation staff employee who is completely out of shape. The only shape I am is round. I sit around for 2 to 4 hours all the time waiting to swipe in vein and or self-conscious strutting into the rec center giving me attitude about always having to check into the gym. I enjoy being able to do my homework in between swiping cards, but I always hear drama and comments while working. Whither it is a girl with a stomach flat as can be saying she is fat or a fitness freak screaming FOCUS, I have heard it all. There is a guy who upon leaving always tells me to have a healthy day. No. no I will not. I will return to my dorm room, study more, and eat mac and cheese. No I do not care how many times you have been to the gym today and I have not, you still need to swipe in. Why is it that if I say anything more than "Hello, have a nice day." I am asked to repeat myself? Yes, I have resting bitch face. Please stop teasing me about service with a smile. If I am eating food, stop asking oh is that for me? You are more annoying than the people who see a retail item without a price on it and tell the employee, "Must be free." They already hate their job. Stop making it worse. I am fat not strong. Stop expecting me to re-rack your 50 pound weight. Lastly, if you are at a gym, don't complain about parking. If your life was so impairing by having to walk the extra 20 feet in the parking lot, maybe you really need to hit the treadmill instead of the weights.